hoopyfrood | 4 Times Aiba tried to set Shige and Sho up, and 1 time he didn't have to

Title: 4 Times Aiba tried to set Shige and Sho up, and 1 time he didn't have to
Pairing: Sho/Shige, Aiba/Yoko
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sho does the news and Shige is in News. Aiba thinks there's a dirty joke in there somewhere.
Notes: Total crack. Nothing to heavy or serious. Aiba basically being a little ball of energy thinking he knows what's best. This frankly has more Aiba/Yoko in it than anything else. I'm not really sure how that happened. Un-beta'd, but I'll edit this soon as I simply wanted to get it posted. Please enjoy :D

It was after the Countdown that Aiba decided Sho and Shige looked really good together. It wasn't just his boredom speaking, or even his naturally nosey nature to be somehow involved in his band mates sex lives. After all, Sho hasn't been on a date in a very long time and Aiba loves his friend dearly, so is suitably worried. Which is what he tells himself, anyway.

The more he thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. And he thought about it a lot. They both seem to like boring things and, from what he's heard, Aiba's pretty sure Shige fails almost as much as Sho does. Aiba always wondered if Sho's idea of dirty talk involved complicated economics and well, Shige's probably the only person he could get away with doing it to. So they're basically a match made in heaven, or at least a match made in Aiba's slightly warped mind.

It's kind of hard to set anything up when their two groups have such conflicting and busy schedules. But Aiba has connections. Well, he has Yoko. Who is in Kanjani8 with Ryo, who is also in News with Shige. There, simple.

It's not terribly difficult to coerce the Kanjani8 member into his apartment, especially with the promise of food and sex.

“Can you get me Nishikido-kun's phone?” Aiba sits with a bowl of popcorn in his lap, idly picking at it. He's slouched low on the sofa, legs crossed at his ankles with both socks slipped over his heels and bunching up at the toes. The room is comfortably warm and Aiba feels his eyelids begin to grow heavy as he swings his head to the side, gazing at the man beside him.

“Why?” Yoko doesn't look up from his DS and Aiba lazily eyes his curls bouncing up and down as he jerks his body about. It's almost hypnotic.

“Because I want Shige's number.”

“What makes you think he'll have it?” He groans as he loses, making Aiba smile fondly. Throwing the console down next to him, he finally turns his attention towards Aiba and takes a fistful of popcorn.

“Because they're in the same band,” Aiba watches as Yoko stuffs his face, cheeks bulging and lips pursed. Reaching his own hand deep into the bowl in his lap, Aiba makes a show of popping a piece of popcorn between his lips and sucking the sweet coating off it, flicking his tongue out, before taking it fully into his mouth.

Yoko swallows and smirks, leaning in close to the other man, eyeing his lips. “Not all bands have their band mates on speed dial for emergency orgies like Arashi do.”

Aiba gasps and covers his mouth with a hand. Only half hiding the cheeky smile on his face.

Yoko reaches out to flick him on the nose, laughing as Aiba goes crossed eyed to try and see, “Why can't you be sneaky by yourself?”

“Yoko,” He whines, placing the bowl on the floor and snuggling up to the other mans side, slipping a hand up his shirt. Slowly rubbing small circles over the smooth skin of his stomach before trailing back down to slip two finger tips just below the waistband of his jeans. He looks back up at Yoko from under his lashes, bottom lip clasped between his teeth.

“Ok, I'm convinced,” Yoko grins and pulls Aiba on top of him. Running his hands up his thighs to rest on his narrow hips, steadying him. “You're going to get me killed one of these days.”

Aiba pulls his shirt off and flings it across the room, cocking his head to the side, “But I'm worth it, right?”

*

“Here.”

Aiba catches the phone with both hands and eagerly scrolls through the contacts as Yoko leans out the door to look both ways down the hallway.

“Hurry up, he'll sense it's missing.” He hisses through his teeth.

Now all he has to do is send a message to Shige, posing as Sho of course, asking him to meet up. He'll send the same one to Sho as well, but from him so it's not too suspicious. Aiba kicks his legs about in excitement and squeals.

Yoko looks back in and raises an eyebrow, “I do kind of want to know what you're up to.” Aiba opens his mouth but Yoko holds up a finger, “But I also value my life.”

Aiba pushes himself up and saunters over to Yoko, wrapping himself around the other man and skimming his fingers delicately over his backside.

“Wait and see then Yu-chan,” He leans in to peck Yoko on the cheek, slipping the phone into his back pocket, “Just call me Cupid.” He gives him a cheeky grin and slides out the door.

“I take that back, don't ever tell me.” Yoko shouts after him.

*

He decides to have them meet at a well known spot for couples. With all the blossom blooming, it'll be a beautiful setting. The two will meet, both flushed with confusion and all shy smiles. A petal will fall, landing in Shige's hair, and Sho will lean over to pick it out. Staying close enough to kiss as their eyes meet. It'll be perfect.

Aiba peeks round the corner of a tree, using his hands as a make shift pair of binoculars. He groans in frustration, he knew he should of borrowed Ohno's real ones. Or at least rigged up some sort of listening device so he hear their conversation. He sighs as he watches Sho sit on the bench just under a huge tree, fidgeting and glancing at his watch every few minutes. The branches hanging low around him and petals decorating the floor like a soft dusting of snow. It looks like an image out of a film, something Matsujun would be in he thinks, and sighs wistfully.

His wandering mind is pulled back to reality when he sees a figure approaching Sho. He can't really see properly who it is but, well, from the back it sure looks like Shige. Tall, and not particularly broad. He squints as the man lifts his head up to greet Sho.

“Eh?” Aiba shrieks, drawing the attention of a few passers by and making a group of birds fly away in fright. Abandoning his hiding spot, he flails over to the couple.

“You're not Shige,” Aiba points accusingly at the drummer as if it's all his fault. His breaths coming out in small puffs after sprinting across the park in what must be some sort of record.

“I messaged Shige-kun, why is your number under his name in Ryo-chan's phone?” He looks Ohkura up and down suspiciously through narrowed eyes.

“Aiba, what the hell are you doing?” Sho looks between Aiba and Ohkura. Arms crossed and just completely bemused.

“Ah,” Ohkura nods his head solemnly in understanding, “Subaru and Maru like to mess around with all our phones. They switch the numbers and names about all the time.”

“I hate Kanjani8,” Aiba says sullenly and pouts, his perfect romantic plan thoroughly destroyed. Sho looks towards Ohkura who just shrugs.

****

Aiba realised he probably should get to know Shige a bit more if he was going to set him up with Sho successfully. Whilst he knows what tricks to use with Sho, he's at a loss as to how to deal with Shige. So, he decides to talk to Koyama. Him and Shige are always together and they've been basically inseparable for years. If anyone knows anything and everything about Shige, it's him.

He manages to track Koyama down, who is only more than happy to have a friendly chat with Aiba, and immediately starts questioning him about Shige. Which seems to be a subject Koyama is all to willing to talk about. He finds it hard to get a word in as he talks animatedly, making strange gestures with his hands and giggling. Aiba stares in wonder as he's pretty sure the man has yet to take a breath. He's so bright and cheerful, Aiba sort of wants to whisk him away for a fun week in Hawaii.

He learns alot about Shige. Like how, as well as his duvet, he has a red fluffy blanket and Koyama's old sleeping bag on his bed because he gets really cold at night. Or how he sometimes forgets to eat, always so focused on a thousand other things, so the other News members take turns in bringing in extra food for him. Shige really is sweet Aiba thinks to himself. He wonders how him and Sho havn't hit it off already because Sho likes cute, sweet things that need taking care of. He kind of really wants Sho to be the person to look after the younger man now. He'd enjoy it.

“So what turns him on.” Aiba sits forward and asks seriously.

“I'm sorry, what?” Koyama looks startled at the question and his cheeks turn a light pink colour.

“No need to be embarrassed Koyama-kun, I just want to learn more about my cute kouhai.” Aiba says sweetly. Which could be considered playing dirty seeing as it's Koyama he's talking to. But, it works and he's soon rattling off a list of things. Though Aiba's pretty sure he can't use cleavage or knee high boots in his plan. No matter how much he wants to.

“Intelligence and an ability to talk about current affairs,” Koyama continues, for some reason still counting down on his hands. Aiba chuckles, no need to do anything there he thinks proudly.

“Also, between you and me, there's this brand of cologne I think he really likes.” Aiba nods vigorously, the total gossip whore in him absolutely revelling in all this inside, and personal, information he's learning about his colleagues.

“Ryo came in wearing it once and Shige couldn't get near him without turning bright red.” Koyama giggles as if he's just told Aiba a naughty secret. This, Aiba reasons, he can use.

*

He bounds up to Sho, hands behind his back keeping something out of view. Sho is of course immediately worried and takes a step back from Aiba just in case, putting enough distance between the two of them so he hopefully has enough time to move if Aiba does anything out of the blue.

“I got you this Sho-chan,” Unfortunately, before he even has time to think, Aiba sprays the cologne he was hiding. Aiming for Sho's neck but managing to get half of it in his mouth. He coughs, opening and closing his mouth in disgust to try and get rid of the taste.

“Are you trying to kill me?” He wheezes, wiping a hand across his lips.

Aiba leans in to sniff him and nods, “Right, good. Now come with me.” He clutches at the front of Sho's shirt, pulling him along.

“Where are we going?” Sho tries to pry Aiba's hands off as he gets tugged through the building. Turning sharp corners and dodging various staff. They eventually stop outside a room and Sho shakes Aiba's grip off. Beginning to feel a headache coming.

“Aiba-”

“Sempai visit,” Aiba flings the door open and calls out into the room, making it bang into the wall and startling the occupants. He shoves Sho in, making him stumble head first into the room. Almost tripping over Massu who's doing sit ups just to the right of doorway.

He quickly pushes Sho down next to Shige, who takes off his headphones and smiles politely. After collecting himself, and shooting Aiba a very heated look, he begins to make easy conversation with Shige for the lack of anything else to do after being practically forced into it. Aiba busies himself with talking to Tegoshi, keeping an eye on the two of them. Hoping for something. Soon enough Shige starts to fidget, constantly touching his neck. Looking decidedly uncomfortable.

There, a red colour steadily making it's way up his neck. Aiba bounces on the tips of his toes in joy as Tegoshi looks on with amusement, not too bothered about Aiba seemingly ignoring him because his Sempai is clearly up to something fun again. Aiba smirks. Shige must be finding it hard to resist jumping Sho right here.

“I'm sorry Sakurai-san, but are you wearing any cologne?” Shige ventures tentatively, scratching at the side of his face.

Sho looks towards Aiba accusingly. Eyebrows drawn together in a frown, “Yes.”

Shige jumps up and walks over to the mirror. Unbuttoning his shirt a little bit to touch the raised skin stretched over his collar bone.

“It must be that same brand Nishikido-kun wore once that I'm allergic to,” He slides a finger over the bumpy surface once more before turning back to the others in the room, shoving a hand into the back of his hair and looking more than a little embarrassed. “I'm going to have take some antihistamines now or my throat will close up like last time.”

“Oh yeah, that was hilarious,” Ryo grins widely.

“Yes. Struggling to breathe is always a riot.” Shige sneers at Ryo in response, triggering a full out glaring match between them.

“Allergic?”

Koyama laughs awkwardly and bows his head low to Aiba in apology as he steers Shige out the door, “Lets go find some tablets for you.”

“So you weren't trying to kill me, you were trying to kill News. Maybe you are a genius. An evil genius,” Sho says in wonder, shaking his head as he follows the two News members out the door. Intent on washing off the death cologne, “Who knew.”

“Not that I approve.” He adds as he disappears.

****

Aiba read somewhere once that if you keeping talking about something enough, it can be a big influence on someone. Like how you can buy audio books to listen to when you're asleep to help you learn languages or somehow persuade you to quit smoking. So Aiba, of course, decides to talk about Shige any chance he gets and maybe Sho's interest will be piqued. Whether he knows it is or not. Subliminal messages that arn't so subliminal considering Aiba's noise level. He also starts to leave magazines with News photoshoots around, always open on Shige's page. He was going to circle Shige's face but thought that might be a bit creepy and look like he's planning to assassinate him or something. Subtle manipulation is the key.

“Kato-kun is cute, ne?” He announces to the room loudly, stopping Jun mid sentence who glares in response to the interruption. Huffing and crossing his arms.

“You think everyone is cute.” Nino pipes up from behind him before whacking him on the head and pushing past.

“He's so intelligent.” Aiba shuffles closer to Sho, who's changing over by the fall length mirror, directing the statement more at him this time.

“Anyone is intelligent compared to you.” Nino chimes in again as he happily lays out a pack of playing cards in front of himself and Ohno in the middle of the floor where they both sit.

“Nino.” Ohno says warningly, shifting around to make himself more comfortable.

“What?” He replies innocently, spreading out some of the cards further.

“Look Sho-kun.” Aiba shoves a magazine under Sho's nose just as the other man successfully pulls his shirt on.

“So it was you that's been leaving these around.” Jun gestures to the stack of idol magazines on the table next to him where he's perched with his long legs crossed.

“He's sexy and knows things,” Aiba says in awe, hoping to tempt Sho by waving the half naked picture of Shige in his face. Sho rolls his eyes and grabs the magazine out of Aiba's hands, looking over the image. Scanning the whole page up and down a few times.

“He's a good kid, he's doing really well right now.” Sho agrees and shoves the magazine back at Aiba after a few seconds. Frankly not to interested, but it's best to indulge Aiba or he'll just keep hounding away, eventually riling up Jun or Nino or both. It does the job and Aiba wanders off, but not before rolling up the magazine and stuffing it down the back of Sho's trousers with a very overexaggerated wink. This will be easy.

*

He's on his way home when Yamapi stops him, waving and running up with him with more energy and spirit Aiba's seen from him in a while. It's a pleasant sight to see the younger boys not drowning in work. Still finding something to smile about regardless of all the pressure on them.

“Yamashita-kun,” Aiba smiles warmly at the News member. Sliding his sunglasses up onto his head to greet him properly, “How are you?”

“Brilliant now that I've caught up to you finally.” Surprised and interested, Aiba encourages Yamapi to go on.

“Sakurai-san said you've been talking about Shige a lot,” He begins, looking around to make sure the hallway is clear as he leans in a little bit closer, lowering his voice.

“I'd be more than happy to help set Aiba-sempai up with Shige-chan.” Yamapi nods and gives a dopey thumbs up.

“Huh?” Aiba supplies intelligently, blinking wide eyes.

“It's my duty as Leader to keep my band happy,” Yamapi explains, “Do you want me to find out if he likes you?”

“No,” Aiba says forcefully and maybe a little bit too loudly as Yamapi's face drops, making him feel immediately guilty. The apparent disappointment almost as heart breaking as a kicked puppy.

He calms himself down and forces a smile, straining at the corners, onto his face, “No thank you.”

“But Sakurai-san just wanted you to be happy too.” He says with confusion, as if refusing help and love from a band mate apparently worried about your well being is just insane.

Well Sakurai-san is too damn oblivious, Aiba thinks bitterly as he stomps off, gripping his bag tightly.

****

Aiba sits hunched forward with a pair of Yoko's glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. His hair clipped out of his face on the top of his head.

“Lock them in a room together.” Aiba writes the idea down on a plain piece of paper. Big and bold in the middle of the blank space, underlining it a few times for good measure. He sits back and contemplates it for a few moments before groaning and viciously scribbling over it.

“I've been reading too much manga,” He grumbles to himself, staring blankly at the news on the TV for a little while to gather his thoughts.

“I could take Shige homemade bento's and say they're from Sho,” He taps the pen against his lips, “That'd be cute.”

He plays the scenario over in his head a couple of times before groaning out loud in frustration and shaking his head furiously. “Ah, no. No one would believe Sho-chan made something edible.”

Suddenly something occurs to him. “Maybe I've been thinking too much into this. What causes more hook ups than anything else?” He grabs a clean piece of paper and draws a bottle of beer, “Alcohol.”

*

“Why am I here?” Yoko whispers into Aiba's ear.

“To help me get those two completely and utterly drunk,” Aiba gestures to the two men in front of them.

“You're not planning a foursome are you?” Yoko watches Shige take a sip of his drink, making his plump lips glisten, and eyes Sho as he shifts his arms, making the muscles ripple. “Not that I mind, but I'm pretty sure they should at least consent.”

“No foursome,” Aiba replies distractedly, attention completely on Shige and Sho. Keeping a look out for any small signs of affection. Any small touches or little smiles. Yoko carries on regardless.

“How did you decide on them anyway? Got a thing for smart guys? Because I'm telling you now, that's a pretty stupid turn on to have whilst being with me.”

Aiba draws his eyes back to Yoko and pokes him in the side, “Aw, Kimi-kun.” He kisses him quickly before clapping his hands together. Eager to get tonights plan rolling.

“Drink up everyone, this is all on me.” He smiles widely and gestures to the various drinks already littering the table.

“Thank you Aiba-kun,” Shige shouts loud enough to be heard over the music and holds his bottle up in thanks to Aiba.

“By you, you mean Yoko right?” Sho brings a glass up to his lips, raising his eyebrows.

“Right,” Yoko agrees melodramatically, voice tinged with fake sadness and regret. Aiba smacks him playfully, the atmosphere light and easy.

The glasses start to pile up in front of them. But Yoko is hideously sober, bullied into being an unwilling sidekick for the night. Aiba sees two well dressed women eyeing Sho and Shige over by the bar. Long dark hair and even longer legs. Two classy and beautiful business women taking a load off after work.

“Yoko, deflect deflect.” Aiba panics and pushes Yoko off his seat in their direction. He begins to protest but Aiba just waves at him to get a move and turns away.

The night continues on in much the same fashion. Yoko being forced into acting like something akin to a body guard whilst Aiba pours drink after drink down Shige and Sho's throats. It begins to get late and Yoko finds himself watching passively as Shige's eyelids begin to droop and his head nods forward. Face flushed from alcohol. He turns to Aiba, unimpressed, as the other man tries to keep Sho from flopping down on him.

“How was I supposed to know that Shige was a sleepy drunk.”

“But you know him,” Yoko nods towards Sho's prone figure.

“He usually gets really energetic!” Aiba insists, jolting Sho's head on his shoulder who lets out a moan in response. He looks down and deflates, patting Sho's head, “He once gave Jun a lap dance.”

“Good work,” Yoko hauls himself up to help Shige off the table top so he's sitting back upright in his seat, and not squishing his face painfully into the sticky surface, “I'm calling Hina.”

****

It's 1:00 am and Aiba's standing outside Sho's new apartment. He only moved in recently but it's already become a sort of stopping off point for all the Arashi members. The novelty not yet worn off of one of them owning a still relatively tidy place. He hums a little tune as he waits for Sho to answer, a hot bag of food clutched tightly in his right hand. The smell wafting up and making his stomach grumble. He shifts from foot to foot, eager to get into the warmth and completely stuff his face with no remorse. It being the middle of the night and that Sho may be asleep, not being a concern.

Sho opens the door in just his boxers but Aiba isn't fazed, having built up a resistance to seeing his friends half naked years ago.

“You'll get a cold Sho-kun,” He makes a clicking noise with his tongue and shakes a finger in his face.

“Aiba,” Sho manages to squeak out, looking worriedly behind him over his shoulder back into the house.

“Food,” Aiba holds the bag up, and pushes his way into the warm apartment.

“Wait,” He goes to grab at Aiba's arm, but he slips out of his reach. He kicks his shoes off and sinks his toes into Sho's plush carpet, eyeing the awful piece of artwork Jun bought as a house warming gift.

“Sho?” A voice calls out from somewhere, and Sho fearfully meets Aiba's questioning expression.

Shige wanders into the living room bare from the waist up and with a sheet wrapped around his hips, trailing a good amount of it along behind him. His hair mussed up and red marks scattered over his chest.

Aiba stares opened mouthed, the bag of take-away food hanging in mid air just above the table top.

“I did it,” He drops the bag and dashes over to Shige, tripping over his own feet a couple of times. He grabs the younger man and pulls him into a hug, jumping up and down whilst cheering. Shige pleads with desperate eyes over Aiba's shoulder towards Sho as the hyper Arashi member begins to chant something about Sho-chan getting his geek sex at the top of his lungs right in his ear. Shige clasps the sheet in a vice like grip, fearing it about to slip down his hips, as Sho tries to calm Aiba down because, “It's late and Shige-kun is really uncomfortable. As am I.”

Shige and Sho never tell Aiba that they got together way before the Countdown. No one really wants to deal with that.

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